EMDR: From Surviving the Past to Living in the Present

What is EMDR

EMDR is a trauma therapy based on the idea that some of the difficulties we experience today may be connected to past experiences that haven't been fully processed. People may come to therapy with anxiety, depression, sleep problems, relationship difficulties, or other concerns without realizing that some of their reactions may be connected to earlier experiences.

When we talk about trauma, we don't just mean the bad things that happened. Trauma can also include the good things that should have happened but didn't—such as not receiving enough safety, protection, emotional support, or understanding.

Normally, our brain has a natural ability to process difficult experiences. You might have a stressful conversation, talk about it with someone you trust, reflect on it, get some sleep, and eventually move on. You still remember what happened, but it doesn't carry the same emotional charge. Trauma can be different. When something is overwhelming, survival takes priority over processing. Our ability to step back, reflect, and make sense of what is happening can become significantly compromised. Therefore components of the experience—images, emotions, thoughts, body sensations, or beliefs about ourselves—will continue to be locked in our nervous system.

And time doesn't always heal everything. Something in the present—a tone of voice, a smell, a relationship conflict, or even silence—can activate an old experience. You may not consciously think, “My past is being triggered.” You may simply feel anxious, angry, ashamed, unsafe, or overwhelmed in your body.

Over time, we naturally develop ways to protect ourselves from these feelings. We might avoid, stay busy, intellectualize, try to control things, strive for perfection, shut down, or turn to compulsive behaviors. These strategies often developed for a reason, but sometimes they continue long after we need them.

So what happens during EMDR?

Your EMDR therapist will first spend some time getting to know you and your history. Together, you'll explore how some of the difficulties you're experiencing today may be connected to earlier experiences. Before working directly with difficult memories, your therapist will also help you build the skills and resources you need to stay grounded in the present while processing the past.

When you're ready, your therapist will ask you a few questions to bring the traumatic memory into awareness. Once the memory is activated, your therapist will introduce bilateral stimulation—for example, moving your eyes from side to side or alternating taps on your knees or shoulders.

From there, your main job is simply to notice and allow whatever comes up. Everyone processes differently, so there is no “right” way to do EMDR and nothing you need to make happen. You might notice an image or another memory coming up, a new thought, a shift in emotion, a change in a body sensation, or even an urge to move.

I often compare EMDR reprocessing to a train ride. You stay seated and simply notice whatever passes by. You don't need to chase anything, change anything, or hold on to anything. Just notice what comes up, how it changes, and what passes.

Research and clinical experience suggest that bilateral stimulation, while the memory is activated, can help reduce the emotional and physical intensity connected to the memory. In EMDR, we call this desensitization.

Throughout the process, your therapist is there with you. If the processing gets stuck, they may offer a prompt, ask a question, or introduce a different perspective to help things start moving again.

EMDR is based on the idea that we all have a natural capacity to heal. As the intensity around a memory begins to settle, new understanding can emerge. You may start to see the experience and its impact on you more clearly, hold on to what is still useful, and let go of beliefs or ways of protecting yourself that you no longer need.

The goal isn't to erase the memory or change what happened. You'll still remember it, but it may no longer carry the same emotional and physical charge. The past begins to feel more like the past. With that can come more room for awareness, choice, and new ways of responding in the present.